Treadmills...

Pride is our treadmill.

Pride is the root of everything- selfishness, greed, individuality without God, impure ambition… everything. It keeps us running in circles. When satan gets us on the treadmill of pride, he can get us to go round and round, thinking about ourselves all the time. It messes up our desires and our hopes, which messes up our actions. Our hopes and desires influence our every action. What we hope for, we realize. If we hope and desire pridefully, that which happens will be a result of those desires within us.  But if we hope in the Lord, if we hope unselfishly, if we desire that which He desires, then what he desires will be realized. And we will be able to step off of the treadmill of pride. We can hit the stop button. And go run in God's creation, discovering new things with out eyes open in the world he wants to reveal to us.  Treadmills are safe. We know where we're going, because we're not really going anywhere at all. They don't take dependence on anything at all, not on a map, a plan, nothing. We control them. We go as fast as we want to. We make our incline. We control them. They give us power. That's what happens when we try to be self-reliant and plan our lives out. We run in circles on our own, boring, uninspired , selfish path. It might seem inspired, it might seem creative, it might seem exhilarating. We might be getting a great work out. But without the up and down natural hills of life and the unsteady terrains to run through that God gives us when He leads us, our lives are boring and running in circles.

I am at Greyhouse and I met a guy named Collin. He was talking about how pride is the root of everything and that's what he's learning. He's learning to go where God wants him and not plan out his own life. Satan is real and he's trying to get us running with pride and obsessions and selfishness. He's trying to get us to run in our own tracks of our past. We've seen this track too many times. We've run too long on the same stupid conveyor belt. It's time for new terrain. It's time to get off of the treadmill.

Collin said whether anyone is a writer, an actor, a drawer… whatever. Our purpose in life is to be a better servant. Not a servant of ourselves. Not to bring glory to ourselves. But to bring glory to God and strive towards perfection in Christ. Not perfection in ourselves. God I only write well when I write with you. I only dance well when I dance with you. I only speak well when my words are yours. I only live well when I give up myself. I only think well when I'm thinking of you. I only love well when I'm loving for you. You are my only. You are my well. You are my adventure. I will get off this prideful treadmill. Your life you've planned for me is perfect. Your life for me is beautiful. I will live in today. Not plan tomorrow. Godwilling I live. Godwilling I run. I will get off this selfish treadmill.

Collin was a blessing from God. A reminder that without him I am nothing. That Satan is real and he's trying to get me to believe in myself, when myself is a lie- and without God I'm just my selfish self. Thank you God for Collin.

My relationship with God can't be about writing about him. My relationship with God can't be about reading good books about him. It can't be about having good friendships where we talk about him to hang out more. My relationship with God is about loving God. God is good. I love him. He deserves glory just because He is. His existence is our relationship. I love him because He is. The "I am" of our forefathers. He is. God help me love you regardless of whether I am writing or not.

(4-12-10)