He Chose Me. Not the Other way Around.

There’s a love I’ve fallen in love with
A love that I can come back to
Whether I’ve loved it or not.
Whether I’ve thought about it that day or not.
This love is forgiving.
Ever-open.
I could run to it after years of running away and it’d smile every time.
I am thankful for that love.
Unlike it,
Sometimes I forget that I love it.
I forget what it feels like to love it back.
I get stubborn.
Easily angered.
I pull the life-didn’t-go-my-way card.
And still, it loves me.
I could say that it loves me back.
But that wouldn’t be accurate.
Because I don’t always love it.
Therefore it can’t exactly “love me back” when I don’t love it first.
Because it first loved me.
It chose me. Not the other way around.
I don’t fully understand this love.
I’m just thankful for it.
I don’t fully grasp its purpose in loving me.
It just loves.
I think we as humans are so quick to resist love. Especially True Love.
We see it’s purity and lack of condition.
And in our pride we turn away
Because we know we will never be capable of loving it back as it loves us.
Or we don’t want our wounds to heal. Which doesn’t make sense at all cause we go to doctors on nearly every occasion begging them to heal our physical wounds, while at the same time we leave our emotional wounds gaping and unnursed.
We turn to other unwhole people to see if they can heal them. Boyfriends. Girlfriends. Parents. Siblings. Friends.
Trying to fill the damage caused by the past, hiding from ourselves the fact that
If we just went to the one true love,
Our wounds would heal forever.
Our trial would be joy
Our pain just a fraction of the reward we have to come.
Have you noticed that when we’re in love,
We can go through nearly anything if it means we preserve or save or remain with the thing or person we love?
I at one time thought I’d be able to endure pain like that of Paul when he was persecuted and thrown in jail,
But as I come ever closer to being at odds with the government, my knees get feeble and my faith gets weak.
Because my love is small. My love for True Love is quite too small.
You see. The confusing part is
You can’t make yourself love true love.
It doesn’t work that way. It chose you. Not the other way around.
It wanted to know you first. Not the other way around.
You have to ask it to help you love it. You see why we resist it: sometimes we are too proud to ask for help.
But the further you run the more you realize you’re going the wrong direction I guess. And it draws you to it.
So people ask: why is there pain in the world? Why is the world fallen?
Well solution number one: bad choices. Sin. Desire for more than we can handle. For more than we ought. Desire for things that taste good while denying what we know to be the only true and good thing. That’s reason number one.

But reason number two:
Because as for myself, if I didn’t have pain, I’d forget why I needed Him. I’d fake myself into thinking that I was whole. We become pretty good at it, don’t we?
You see. I think we’ve gotten so good at lying to ourselves and letting others lie to us. I don’t understand this.
We go on day by day, trying to do life on our own, and we fake ourselves into thinking that we’ve got it all under control.
Things go well.
And we begin to forget that we’re not the ones in control. Yes we have the power to make minute choices.
But in the grand scheme of things
Pain is the reality check.
Pain gets us back on track.
Pain
Reminds me that I’m not the one in control.
And that I can’t do it on my own.
The pattern of calm, storm, longer calm, storm is to get our attention.
See I think this is a problem in society: that we all say we’re “good”.
“How are you?” “Oh I’m good thanks… doing well”
Maybe you are good. maybe you are doing well.
But what if we’re not? Well. We lie.
Because no one wants to hear that you’re not good. and you want them to hear what they want to hear.
I’m not saying to go around showing off your gashes to the masses. Not everyone is going to have the band-aid of grace. But just that we shouldn’t be afraid or slow to tell the truth.
Have you ever had the moment where someone asks you how you are doing, and when you truly think about it, you don’t have an answer.
I don’t know how I am doing.
Well for myself. It mainly happens when I’m too busy. I’ve lied to myself for so long or forced myself to not think about it for so long that I am rotting away spiritually. And I don’t even realize it.
I hate lying to myself. Especially when I don’t even notice I’m doing it.
Get a load of this: This love. It never lies.
It doesn’t cheat on you. Or ‘forget’ to tell you something. It’s true. One hundred percent money-back guarantee.
(If you notice, we can’t even love ourselves correctly- seeing as we lie to ourselves all the time about how we really are feeling.)
But this love never lies. And it considers others above itself.
I was reading a book where a man pointed out that when he was in love, he didn’t think about his own desires or needs for days. All he could think about was the one he loved.
Well True Love is like that all the time. It thinks about me all the time. It thinks about you all the time. Therefore I should be quick to fall back in love with it.
This man also said that he felt that selfless love was the one thing God didn’t curse. The fact that he could consider another person above himself fully was a gift.
I want to fall in that type of love.
That’s the type of love God deserves. I’m just so bad at giving it to Him.
Yet I’ll continue to ask that He puts that desire in my heart- the desire to love Him.
Because, for some unexplainable reason, He chose me. Not the other way around.
And He chose humanity.
I don’t understand it yet and I’m not sure I ever will.
But I guess that’s what faith is for. I am sure that no matter what I do, True Love will keep on loving me and I will continue loving it. It’ll keep leaving me messages even when I don’t answer on purpose. I’ll run home to it and it will welcome me home. And when I am unfaithful and return home it will still be there. That’s something we barely ever find in another person. When you do though, keep it. And then thank the One who first showed us how to love unconditionally. That’s a love I can fall in love with. And stay happily married with forever. Cause divorce is not an option. He chose me. Not the other way around.

The iHeart Revolution.

it's been a whole month since i've written. i don't know why. laziness. busy-ness. forgetfulness. lack of direction or caring. i don't know. maybe a combination of the two. i care. i do. i just sometimes get selfish and busy and there is no excuse for it. so i right now humbly apologize.

i went to The I Heart Revolution: We're All in This Together world debut last night and it got me thinking and excited. i've got to get on it. people. people matter. god. then people. then me. i live so much of my life thinking about MY decisions. when, the truth of the matter is that i have no say. yes. some of a say. but i deserve no say in eternity. when i make all of these decisions, it's just going to come down to the point that some day i am going to die. and the only thing that is going to matter is Eternity. in heaven. i know i'm going to heaven. i know it. i've doubted it. examined it. thought about it. and now it's just time to stop testing God and believe. "If i find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy, then i can only conclude that i, i was not made for here." (Brooke fraser quoting c.s. lewis.) i am not meant for this world. i can choose to see the other dimension or i can comfortably accept the one i am in. but the problem with accepting the dimension i'm in is that there are too many things that are not yet figure-out-able... leaving me longing for that other dimension that i so strategically try to ignore and doubt in my head.
you know. humans in general are funny creatures. we spend our whole lives fighting for success. fame. looking for ourselves... whoever that is. and i admit- i do wish to find myself. but i'll never find myself if I am looking in myself. you see... i am not of myself. i was Created. that means that at one point i wasn't and now i was. if you go back, you'll see that i. i was created by my parents. and some days i find my identity in them. so if i was looking from the world's point of view- that's where i'd start looking for myself- in my parents. and they looked for themselves in their parents and their parents looked for themselves in their parents. generational sin in a nutshell. but something happens when a child decides to be different from their parents. they look for it in their friends who got their identity from their parents or from other friends. and everyone slowly starts looking and acting quite similar. quite in the box. and that wouldn't be "myself" at all. so i find my identity in christ. the perfect example. yes. the Perfect example. so many people fight the bible. don't give it a chance. i do it myself somedays when i most definitely shouldn't cause it's the only foundation i have. i choose to find my confidence in the One who never changes. who i can constantly ask for communication. who will show me himself consistently instead of me having to try and figure everything out. I'll probably have a boyfriend one day if God wills it. and he's probably going to be amazing seeing as it would be only by God's will that i have one. So one day if i have that boyfriend, i am going to want to spend alot of time getting to know him. alot of time. hopefully my whole life. and i hope to do that with God too. but the difference between God and a boyfriend is that God never changes. Now one might say- "That's no fun to figure out at all... wouldn't it be more fun to be around someone who changes who you can be surprised by often and who is dynamic?!" well.
point 1: the point isn't to be fun although in some instances that would be quite preferable. if the whole world were meant for fun, then we're doing a pretty bad job at it ourselves. i'd rather joy than this fun that tries to mimick joy and fails horribly.... so it's not about fun.
point 2: frankly... one day when my boyfriend and i are old and gray... or even just in our forties.... i'd probably get sick of him trying to change all the time. imagine it- if your friend was constantly changing and becoming something new... it'd be hard to have consistency in your relationship. yes. i want my boyfriend to change himself for the better- in order that he become more consistent. we continually learn, mold, shape, and change ourselves to those things that we one day hope will be a constant. for example. i am changing all the time in my prayer life. some days are good. some days stink. some days i am stubborn then repent at the end of the day. and some days i just rejoice and talk to god all day. i haven't gotten to the point where i feel like yelling at him all day but i'm sure it might come someday for growth purposes. my prayer changes day by day (even though it shouldn't)... but the reason why it changes so much is because an inner battle is going on and one day i hope that i will consistenly talk to my Lord every waking moment. i am changing right now so that one day i might be consistent. likewise consistency is good i believe. that is what i desire in a boyfriend (and eventually a husband) and i am thankful that my Lord is always cosistent. a consistent foundation. not rocky but a rock. not build on shifting, changing sand but on the Rock. and unless my marriage/relationships are also based on that rock, they will never last. they will constantly keep on changing.
Likewise. i need that Rock to have consistency (seeing as i am always changing). If i am continually changing to find myself WITHOUT first having that rock in place, then i will never find just ONE, TRUE "ME", cause that one true me will always be changing. if i have that rock that never changes, then model myself after Him, then i can find the parts of Him that remain in me all the time. We all have traits of His. Bits of his mercy and faith and all his other traits. each person has different traits of God's in different porportions. We all have access to all traits, but some just are more strongly reflected in certain people. likewise, when you attach yourself to that Rock and learn it's traits, THEN AND ONLY THEN can you start comparing yourself to it. you can have a consistent analysis. if the components of an experiment are always changing, you will never have a consistent conclusion to your hypothesis. if my hypothesis is that i am patient, sometimes rude, loving generally, and creative with the arts, then i'll never know if i truly am unless i have something solid and unchanging to test it against. Rather, SOMEONE, to test it against. if i want to find the exact perfect amound of apple cider to put in my tea, in a normal experiment, i would keep the rest of the tea the same, then just test different amounts of apple cider in it. If i changed the amount of tea at any time, then my experiment would be inconsistent and i would not have a solid conslusion. there would be too many variables. God is the tea. He is unchanging. He is consistent. His amount of everything stays the same. Consistency. I am the cider. i am looking for myself. who i am. well, unless i have the solid Rock of God (keep the same amount of tea) i will never be able to tell if i am the one changing or if the tea amount is changing.
We must have a solid rock to stand upon or we'll never find who we truly are. Life is not an experiment. It is a divine plan. But if it were, God would be the constant and we'd be the cider. We cannot find ourselves in all the other people who are changing as well or we'll never be able to tell which trait is ours as opposed to which trait is theirs.

The conclusion- we are all looking for ourselves. i will choose to have my rock in Christ and God. They are the only ones who will never change. I. I change all the time. But it is all in hopes that i might become consistent in something.
We're All in This Together talked about how everyone is so consumed by looking for themselves. But when we look to God and ask for His heart and His purposes rather than our own, we find what we truly are- sinful yet forgiven. wierd yet accepted. divinely created different yet very the same in so many ways. And we realize that we're all in this together. It's amazing that one man died for me and it took care of the rest of my sins for the rest of my life. i don't quite understand it fully. the transaction is foreign. yet the reaction it creates in me is quite close to my heart.

i have found, i believe, that God has granted me with the gift of thought. Trust me, it's a gift. i've been without it many days of my life (although it's quite short in comparison). But he's regiven it to me. i chose to lose it. But now i choose to see and and use it and reuse it. i pray, lord, that we never allow ourselves to stop thinking for your Glory. always for your glory.

you see. once we get out of ourselves, we truly find ourselves. iHeart talked about this i-centered culture. ipods. iPhone. iTunes. I love this. i love that. i am going to the store this afternoon. i love hotdogs. They asked people what they loved. swimming, hotdogs, money... and it made me think of how much i really do think of the big 'I' during my day. where am I going to go to college? when will i get a boyfriend? will i own my own buisness or coffee shop one day? what should i major in? so many thoughts. all about I. and i've wasted so much time. the truth is. if i didn't go to college, i'd still get into heaven, but if i don't stip thinking about myself, THEY might not. If i go to a movie today and invite only church people all the time, i'd still get into heaven, but THEY might not have seen love today. "Charity begins today. Today somebody is suffering, today somebody is in the street, today somebody is hungry. Our work is for today, yesterday has gone, tomorrow has not yet come- today, we have only today to make Jesus known, loved, served, fed, clothed, sheltered, etc. Today- do not wait for tomorrow. Tomorrow might not come. Tomorrow we will not have them if we do not feed them today." (Mother Teresa 1991)
We've got today to start not caring about only ourselves, but, more than, that is that we've got only today to start caring for someone else. Yes, i still have to go do my math homework. but i all too often forget that i can do just as much sitting in my room, praying while doing my math homework, as i can do in a homeless shelter or at school. becuase i'm not the one doing it. God is. all the time. he's doing it through us. so whether we are praying or working God is still working toward His same purposes. there is only one will of God. and if we allow Him to work in us, then there is no way He'd work any other will but His own. cause it's not about us. it's about him. when it comes down to eternity, nothing I said or did will matter. But only what i allowed God to do through me. He'll ask me what i did with what He gave me. Did i multiply His gift or did i selfishly and fearfully bury it in a hole. My funeral won't even matter. People might try to make it something big. they might try and make it about me. But their efforts will be pointless. No matter how hard or long i try to make things all about me, i will never succeed. It's about God. And other people. The sooner i realize that and start living in constant regards to that, the sooner i will find consistency. There are people out there who need us. People who if we don't get our act together by the grace of God and start serving them, might die before we get to show them the love of Jesus. I know the job is big. i know it. but what has He given you? Deal with that today? has He showed you a need today? work to fulfill that need until He gives you a new one. If you cannot physically provide for that need, then pray. He expects you to use what He's given you. Has he equipped you to help the poor in third world countries? Yes? then go do it. No? then pray for them and start filling another need He's given you the supplies to fill. Has He eqpuipped you to help the people in Hollywood? Where has he put you? Start there. Then move outward. From Jerusalem to Judea and Samaria, then to the ends of the earth. From the inside out. From where you are------> outward. If you don't know where to start, pray. Then start somewhere. What has he equipped you with? Look at your talents. Use them. I've always wondered how my everyday life can be used for the glory of God. We as humans glorify certain gifts He's given people. "She's so good at writing music. That brings glory to God." "He's so good at preaching. THAT must bring more glory to God." no. what has he talented you with? Gifted you with? Are you good at juggling. PRAY ABOUT IT AND FIND A WAY TO USE IT FOR THE GLORY OF GOD. Remember though- your gift He's given you is a gift. It never for one second is ours in the first place. Using your talents is like sending God a Thank-You card. So thank him. I forget that all too often.

In Jesus' name i pray and praise and thank the Lord who has allowed me to write.
Amen

"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2then make my joy complete by being like minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: 6Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, 7but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death- even death on a cross! 9Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, 10that at the name of Jesus, every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. 12 Therefor, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed- not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence- continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, 13for it is God who workds in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. 14Do everything without complainging or arguing, 15so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe 16 as you hold out the word of life- in order that i may boast on the day of Christ that i did not run or labor for nothing. 17But even if i am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, i am glad and rejoice with all of you. 18So you too should be glad and rejoice with me."
-Philippians 2:1-18

The self image epidemic

I found this in my draft box from quite a while ago... it had already been posted, but i edited it a bit. i have found more information on the self image problem in our world today, which brings hope and is in the January blog posts... god bless.

Friday, October 09, 2009
8:34 AM
If you haven't noticed, we've got a problem. It's an epidemic. But it's hidden. It's spreading. But the lie so craftily hidden by Satan is in nearly every person's mind who suffers from this epidemic. What is it? Lack of confidence in regard to self image. Who does it effect? Nearly every woman. Especially young girls. Why is it occurring? Well. Because it hasn't been fully exposed. We ourselves are guilty of it. And allow it to happen. We don't claim victory in our own minds- allowing for our thought patterns about ourselves to continue. These stats are not to get you down, but to just bring some light to the issue. The stats:

One in 200 american women suffers from anorexia

Two to three in 100 American women suffers from bulimia

An estimated 10 – 15% of people with anorexia or bulimia are males

Anorexia is the 3rd most common chronic illness among adolescents

50% of girls between the ages of 11 and 13 see themselves as overweight

80% of 13-year-olds have attempted to lose weight

Rates of minorities with eating disorders are similar to those of white women
(It is of ALL races- not just one)

Eating disorders are one of the most common psychological problems facing young women in Japan

Pasted from <http://www.state.sc.us/dmh/anorexia/statistics.htm>


Anorexia nervosa is considered a mental illness… it goes straight to the heart (that's why it's so hard to deconstruct the old patterns)
"

So yes. This is an epidemic. And it goes against the will of God. It has to- Everything God has made is good. And this is clearly not good. One of the reasons: Many girls look around and see other skinny girls. They tend to think that these girls are naturally skinny. Likewise, the girl who thinks she isn't skinny begins to regulate her eating patterns, look in the mirror too many times each day, care too much about what she looks like, focus on herself too much (rather than focusing on God), and because of her preoccupation with her weight and her constant resistance towards God's better plan in her life, she grows ever further away from how God designed her to think about herself. And the sin creates the feeling of a wedge between herself and God.
He will never let go. He will never let go. But she has. The sin so prevalent (which we convince ourselves isn't a sin at the time) is a trick. The thing she doesn't realize is that the reason why many of the other girls are so skinny is because they are thinking and doing the same thing- the same unhealthy pattern. So because of this trick, our minds no longer desire to obey God. This is unfortunate and saddening. We become futile in our thinking towards God. Watch- prayer slowly slips out. Reading the Bible wholeheartedly slowly slips out. And the mirror slips in. Thoughts about food slip in. Food is all you can think of. When I focused on the food I was eating all the time, I didn't have anything else to talk about. I would talk about high-calorie foods I loved, and I loved baking. Which was true. But I let talking about that food be my supplement so I didn't have to eat them. The Spirit of God no longer seemed to be dwelling in me. I didn't let it. I seemingly became more selfish. In my heart. I don't know if you could tell it on the outside. I bet so. But I knew it. As I was preoccupied with my weight and what I ate, the less I cared about sharing a meal with someone- because it meantthat I would have to eat where they wanted and not stick to what I preferred eating. The more I ate healthy, the more I seemed stuck-up and disconnected. As if I was better because I was eating better foods. i didn't believe this and i gladly knew it to be false, but my heart felt mean towards others many times.
And another lie snuck in there while all this is going on: "But I am supposed to be eating better foods. God says to take care of my temple." You see. It's the half-lies that get us in trouble. Yes. Take care of your temple. Take care of the body christ has given you. But there are multiple meanings to this idea of taking care of his temple. His temple also means taking care of the Body of Christ- other people around you. When you care only about how you look and what you're eating, you aren't thinking about others! It's a horrible trap! The other thing "temple" means is take care of the Holy Spirit- the body of Christ living in you. While being semi-orthorexic, I sure didn't care as much about how I maintained the Holy Spirit living in me. I didn't let him live in me. So yes. Take care of your temple. But if you're starving yourself. Or caring too much about your diet or food at all or if you're preoccupied with how much fat or not-fat you have on your body, you are not taking care of your temple he's given you! IF YOUR TEMPLE IS WEARY BECAUSE YOU HAVE DEPRIVED IT OF CARBS, THEN HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO SUFFER AND LABOR FOR HIM! If you can't hold yourself up because you feel too tired and sick and you look pale, how in the world are you going to resist the temptation of the devil? The sad thing is, when I was preoccupied by my body, I didn't mind giving in to the devil. I just let things slip. It took a very loving mom to get me to stop. To tell me that she was done worrying about me and letting me try and deal with it on my own. And you know what. Everytime someone offered me food I wouldn't let myself eat, the devil came out in me. My spirit grew mean. Cause there was confrontation. I had to lie to find some way to not eat it. Adding another conscious sin to the pile. And when mom made me eat. I in my heart was horrible. There was such ugliness building up in my heart because of my resistance to the confrontation God put in my life. It was the day before our mission trip to chicago. And she told me I had to start eating real foods or I couldn't go. The thing is- it got to the point where I didn't even have a preference to what I ate- I didn't know what I wanted to eat. I just knew what I was allowed by myself to eat. And that became what I wanted. Healing didn't come over the chicago trip. I still watched what I ate. I still censored everything that went in my mouth. I had the healthiest thing at Jamba Juice and the healthiest thing at Oberweis. Not even ice cream when I was in the best ice cream place in the world. I had deep dish pizza. One piece I think. It was good. The thing is. I could have served so much better on that trip. My mind, as much as I tried, still had a long way to go to get back into serving mode. I am ashamed to say that I was trying to talk to God about getting over myself so much that I probably missed many God-ordained moments with the homeless. I know we can't always feel God, because we must live by faith, not by feeling, but we still must see Him working in all things. When we are so consumed with ourselves, it's hard to see Him working. It's horrible. Your mind just lacks praises. And joy. You lose yourself. You don't know what to eat, let alone pray about. What is in the darkness must be brought to light. If you don’t tell someone who will kick your butt and force-feed you, I'll let you know, you might not ever get over it. Tell the person who cares enough about you to sacrifice your comfort for your life. Because if you consider yourself a child of God, and let your eating disorder/preoccupation continue, you'll lose yourself. And you'll quickly lose sight of the plan for your life God's given you. You might feel great in the new clothes you fit into. In the clothes you see on TV and you might have room left in the shorts you never thought you'd wear, but I'll let you know. Those shorts can't go to Heaven with you. Those outfits can't go to heaven with you. They could clothe the homeless though. They could clothe the orphans. "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep onesself from being polluted by the world." (James 1:26) I was so consumed with not eating food that I forgot that there are people in our own backyard who don't have the choice of getting to eat today. I was worried about whether my bread was whole wheat or not while the starving would just like a piece of bread. Let me tell ya- jesus doesn't care if the communion bread is wheat or white. The communion juice- it has sugar in it. Don't let it come to the point where you consider not taking communion because it's white bread. Eat. Eat anything. Not gluttony, but if that's what it takes for a bit to get you out of this current pattern, then go for it. Go for balance. Consider every "unhealthy" thing you eat as communion he's provided for you- because you've been blessed with daily bread, no matter whether it's wheat or white. So be thankful for it. Claim every "unhealthy" food your put into your mouth as a stab at the devil who's trying to convince you that your legs are too fat. Look in the mirror! Take a good look! You are fearfully and wonderfully made! REPEAT THAT TRUTH TO YOURSELF UNTIL YOU BELIEVE IT! I STILL HAVE TO REPEAT IT EVERY DAY!
YOU
ARE
FEARFULLY
AND
WONDERFULLY
MADE.
Turning your way of thinking around is hard. I know. Pray through it. And if you feel like you don't think He's listening, just keep praying. Get some truth into your bones and repeat it in your mind. If going into the bathroom to look in the mirror makes you think about food- then don't go in!!!! Put verses on your mirror! Wear sweatpants with a friend for the whole week! Get comfortable and allow yourself to get comfortable! Have someone with you at all times if going into the bathroom makes you want to throw up! (Trust me, they probably care about you enough to not worry about whether they are in the bathroom with you. They'd probably mind you being unhealthy more than they'd mind hearing you pee.) It's hard. Your mind is probably fighting healing right now. Does this make you cringe- the idea of eating ice cream, or not going on a run today, or claiming freedom from this and calling out to God, or praying? Good. I'm glad you realize you've got a problem- that's a start. If you are cringing at the idea of healing, then it's time to heal. It'll be hard but it'll be worth it. Is your soul getting mad at me for saying this? Let it. Then come over and let's have coffee and talk. I know. It's hard. But God is faithful. And I want you to know- HE LOVES YOU. HE MADE YOU. HE SEES YOU AS HIS PERFECT BEAUTIFUL CHILD. AND WHEN YOU SEE HIM IN HEAVEN, HE'S PROBABLY NOT GOING TO CARE IF YOU ATE VEGETABLES AS OPPOSED TO POTATO CHIPS, BUT HE MAY ASK YOU IF YOU USED WHAT HE GAVE YOU TO BRING HIM GLORY. THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO CARE ABOUT. That's my prayer. That I love God enough and have a level enough head to realize that one day, all this around me isn't going to matter. The only thing that will matter is what I did with what He gave me. So please. If you need to talk, shout out to God. He's right there. He loves you. And He made all of the foods in the grocery store just for you- he brought the new covenant of Jesus, and with that comes the fact that we are denied no food in moderation. We can eat whatever we want in moderation! So give God a call. And find that friend who is going to make you eat. You're probably going to feel like resisting that. Wake up, o sleeper, and let Christ shine on you.
Romans 2:5-11

1 Corinthians 4:5
He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God.

Ephesians 5:11-17
11Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. 13But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, 14for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said:
"Wake up, O sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you."
15Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is.

Whatever you are doing that is in the darkness, let it be exposed. "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything to stand, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth [God's Truth] buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith [claim faith that He will get you through. Remember- faith not sight] with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation [you have been saved] and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints." (ephesians 5)
God is with you. There is hope. God loves you and He'll never stop loving you no matter what the reflection in the mirror looks like. No matter what. Claim Truth.
Amen.